18 Awesome Red Band Trailers

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (2011)

The Trailer: Very nearly a work of art in itself, combining blink-and-miss-‘em images with Karen O and Trent Reznor’s stirring, pulsing cover of ‘Immigrant Song’. Sadly it’s not available online at the moment.

Sex Or Violence: Both, of course. There’s a very shadowy shot of Rooney Mara mounting Daniel Craig (wahey), plus a snippet of Mara showering (just to show off the tattoo, of course). Meanwhile, Craig seems to take an epic beating.

Does It Use All The Best Bits? Very almost, from what we know from the Swedish version of Stieg Larsson’s book. Though Fincher’s hinted he’s changed the ending to make it “better”, so there should still be a few surprises in store.

Muppets R Us…

What do you want from your Muppet movies? Personally, I want Amy Adams, lots of singing and dancing, Kermit the frog being Kermit the frog, and massive budget-blowing explosions. Which – luckily – is exactly what we get in this first teaser trailer for the new Muppets movie.

Kudos to the trailer mechanics who came up with the crazy-cool concept behind it. The first 50 seconds set up what looks like a drearily predictable rom-com (dubbed Green With Envy) about Amy Adams’ doomed romance with loveable oaf Jason Segel. Then POW, Kermie and Miss Piggy are listed as co-stars. We all love a little wrong-footing in the name of fun, and this tease pulls it off perfectly.

But stop reading these words. Watch the trailer below instead and get that warm fuzzy feeling in your belly that can only come about from watching puppets bounce around on screen while Amy Adams puts her back into numerous musical numbers…

Land ahoy

Oh look! It’s the first ever trailer for Steven Spielberg’s mo-cap adap of Tintin! And… oh… wait… It only looks vaguely ‘alright’. Sure there are some nice flourishes and the detail’s impeccable, but it’s not quite looking like the masterpiece The Beard’s been amping us up for.

Colour me old-fashioned, but the motion capture approach just doesn’t work for me. Case in point: Robert Zemeckis. He’s another filmmaker who wrestled with the medium (having a go with The Polar Express and A Christmas Carol). But after the belly flop that was this year’s Mars Needs Moms (2011’s biggest box office turkey so far), he’s retreating back to more traditional methods of moviemaking.

On the evidence of this Tintin teaser, Spielberg may not fare much better. I’m not saying that because I was never a massive Tintin fan (he was always too twee for my liking), nor because mo-cap is flawed (I thought King Kong was a fun ride). Purely going on this first look at the film, there’s no doubt Tintin will have lavish visuals – but it still seems to succumb to the ‘dead eye’ curse that sunk all of Zemeckis’ attempts. Could Tintin be the final nail in mo-cap’s coffin?

Carnage! Beautiful carnage!

Acupuncture death-puncture. Fatal laser-eye surgery. The mother of all traffic tragedies. It can only be the trailer for the latest Final Destination deathfest – the fifth, to be precise. I’ll be honest, I’ve not seen any of the Final Destination movies past the second, but I loved the first two in my teen years and, let’s not kid ourselves, watching people die in sinisterly inventive ways is never going to get boring. Plus, just how cool is that new skull logo?

Of course, the only reason anybody really shows up for these films is to see the opening wreck-scene (check out a rundown of the first three over on YouTube). The first film’s airplane catastrophe still has me brimming with doom-filled thoughts of “What if?” every time I get near a plane. FD5’s cataclysmic (and, er, catalystic?) disaster takes place on a suspension bridge, and looks to be the equal of FD2’s highway pile-up – with added gravity/plunging-into-water issues to boot…

Amping up the hilarious/bloody antics is the promise that there’s a set of new rules at play here – and from what I can tell from the trailer, that includes a horror movie slasher who decides to off his fellow survivors in a bid to escape Death. Nice twist.

One last “Hmm, I may check this one out” musing: Tony Todd’s back! The series’ unsung hero, Todd (aka Candyman) returns as the creepy coroner who always seems to be around when teens get unexpectedly butchered. Wonder who that new serial killer could be. Sweets to the sweet…

Brawn off!

Two super-size trailers have crash landed online today in the form of a suped-up second Green Lantern showcase and our first look at Jason Momoa in greased-up action as Conan The Barbarian. Both look like your typical, bloated summer blockbusters, packed with soaring CGI-scapes and heroes you can really believe in. Both are for movies that seem to be generating a rippling sea of shrugs throughout the movie world.

To be fair, this fresh Lantern trailer at least gives us some awesome imagery in the form of an all-out assault on Earth, while Peter Sarsgaard looks suitably hideous as big-brained Dr Hector Hammond. Blake Lively, though, looks bored out of her mind, while the CGI Lanterns are still all, well, cheesily CGI.

As for Conan, did nobody learn from The Scorpion King?

What I really care about is who’d win in a fight between the two super men. Conan vs Green Lantern! Now that’s a trailer I’d be interested in seeing…